Saturday, April 24, 2004

Whelp peoples, its been a long time since my last post, over a month I believe. Much has happened since then including the movie script being finished, the play being finished, spring break and school is starting to wrap down into the next 7 weeks. I'll talk about the 1st thing, the script has now been finished and is in version 1.0, basically meaning there is some stuff I still wanna edit and such. It is offically 45 pages long. Haley and I have casted the movie and hopefully will start filming soon, I seriously doubt it though, there is alot of other things going on right now, we may have to make this a summer project. As for this summer, I don't know if I want to be in Salem and work or down here, I guess there are a few things that could sway my decision, chances are I will stay down here though, I will visit Salem I'm sure a few times though. Over the last month or so alot of things have been changing, my grandmother has had a change for the worse, she can barely sit up now and is slowly fading away. The whole situation is sad, I just can't imagine being that way, so weak and lifeless that you loose all hope. If my life would ever come to that, please somebody kill me. It's sad that she has lost hope though, although it is understandable, there isn't much hope for her anymore, she'll prolly be dead before June. Also I have changed a bit, for the better? maybe... well the change was long in comming since I moved down here. I have realized that everybody should be accepted, if they want to be. I guess being a nice guy is good sometimes, living down here you realize that people are different and you really can't change that, then you eventually enjoy peoples differences. I guess it's a form of liberation, maybe even enlightenment? I have a confession to make, I have done pot a couple times in the last month, am I proud of myself? No. Do I think that it is degrading to my character? No. I guess I lucked out in the past year with everything that's been going on that I only have done pot and haven't attempted suicide or anything. I don't plan on doing it constently, I know too many people that do and I have noticed changes in them, it's not a good thing. Down here, unlike Salem, you have alot of aquantences and few true friends, maybe 5 at the most. I learned this on my own, also with some help from H. Now that Haley has been brought up, I still have confused feelings about this person. As I take a back seat and watch her life play out in front of me, I get more and more confused. I guess I do have alot of empathy and sympathy, but I can't figure her out yet. To say that I know exackly what she is going though I would be lying, but then again to say I know nothing about what she is feeling I would be lying. I guess we all go through a point in our lives where we have several things to chose from, all of which will change the rest of our lives. Some people rely on intuition, intelligence or maybe even dumb luck to choose, I belive it should be from the gut, but I don't believe the choice should be impulsive, I think you should wade into it like cold water, slowly getting used to it. I haven't done any art work in some time, I think I should get back into the habbit, it is very relaxing. Time alone... we all need it, some of us enjoy it others hate it. It has become a double edged sword for me. I find that I love being around people I can have fun and relax with, I hate not being able to be myself. On the other hand, I love being alone because I don't have to worry about being funny although I always want to be with people when I'm alone.... It's confusing once again... I guess that's what being a teenager is about, confusion. This time right now in my life I know has the potental to shape my person forever, that's why every decision I make is thought out. This is also the best time of our lives, being 16,17,18... you have to make sure you try everything and have fun, don't miss out.

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