Argh, I know if I didn 't like her as much as I do, I wouldn't be thinking about this all the time. It's just so frustrating sometimes I guess. I guess I really fell for her, there isn't any turning back now. She knows how I feel, but I know that she has her agenda to fill also. Maybe I'm just being a dumb ass, or emo I dunno. I hope this all blows over quick.

Hrm.... it's kind of a weird time to update at 5:40 in the am. Last night, well I guess it's the night before last, Christine broke up with me. But alas, all is not lost. She just needs some time I guess. Hopefully we'll get back together, in fact I know we will, it's just a matter of when. We both really like each other alot, it's pretty obvious, but I guess she just needs some time alone. I really don't understand why, because I'm not comming from the same place she is with this kindda stuff. I dunno, I'm feeling alot of different ways right now, it's hard to explain, whelp thats bout it folks.

-FIN-

Wow, I don't know what's going on. For over a month now, I have been with one of the most incredible people I think I've ever met, and today she started to talk to me about something missing, not quite sure what, but I'm different from any other person she's dated. I dunno. I remember when I first met her, I had no idea about this person, I made no assumptions even though all I heard were stories. I knew that people deserved better than that. We started talking, hanging out and running lines, and after about 2 days, I really began to think she was cool as hell. Then we spent all day at a bird watch, I went home with a sun burn and a happy heart. I asked her out that night, and since then everything has run like clockwork. We had a couple problems at the start, mostly my fault, but we got through that and everything went awesome. Started spending alot of time with her, in fact I spent more time with her, then anywhere else. Last week or so, we've gotten very close, to the point where she knows me as well as John does. We both agreed that we were very happy being together. This morning we were talking and she mentioned breaking up again, normally I don't take her too seriously because she likes to joke around like that alot. But this time she did seem very serious, and I don't know what happened, or changed but this is the 1st time ever Im actually afraid for the relationship. If anything happened I don't know what I would do, I would still be her friend, but it would be weird, because I would'nt be able to kiss her, or talk to her the way I did before, without wondering what could've happened. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. I dunno, I'm still planning on finishing this picture for her regardless, because I do love her. Give me some adivice peoples, I need some right now.

-FIN-

Hrm.... I'm supposed to update. Whelp school's out till next week, which is awesome cuz I have some relatives down right now that I don't see very often anymore. I'm getting back into the painting thing again, now that I have white. I can't wait to finish the painting I'm working on now, it's going to be a great x-mas present. I've spent alot of time on it so far, so I hope she likes it. Well back to being a great boyfriend....

-FIN-

Wow, that's all I can say. Play is over, life I love you all is groovy. This has been and I hope will continue to be a real high point in my life. Everything is going so well in all aspects of it. There is this girl I know and she's like soooo cool and stuff. She is one of the coolest people I know, and she's so fine, hott damn. Her and I are really good friends. I've been at her house, more than my own this past week. It's just so amazing how 2 people can get so clo se, on so many levels during a months time. I don't think it has ever happened so fast with me before, it's crazy and I'm loving every minute of it. There has been several times the past couple days where I look at her and I start to think ab out not my future, but hers , what she's going to be doing in 10 years , and wondering if she'll remember me that long from now. I'm so tired right now. My space key is going nuts also, argh. As far as life goes , I can't imgine it any other way.
I love you Christine

-FIN-

Whelp, play is going really well. Christine and I have been together for over a month now!!! Yay! Month has gone by so fast. We have alot of really good memories. Isn't it funny how sometimes people say the same word as you, or finish your sentence? Out of all the words they could've chosen, why would they chose the exact same word as you? or how would they know what you were thinking enough to finish your sentence? Kinnda weird isn't it? In the past week Christine and I have finished so many sentences and said the same word or entire sentences so many times, its unreal. I guess that means sumthin. My arm is getting better I think... we'll see how that goes. It may be getting infected.. . *shrugs* I'll live though. I'll be so glad when this play is over, but I won't know what to do with my time anymore, it's just taken up so much of my life its crazy. Whelp it's almost bed time, so I guess I'll cya yall later.

-FIN-

Heyas people, life is going pretty good right now, I'm enjoying it alot. Surgery went well, the play is almost over, Christine and I have been together for almost a month, everything is just hunkey doory.

I can't really say anything is going less then expected right now, I'm just on such a high. Hrm... what to talk about?

Lets see..... I dunno, I think well I hope anyways that Christine is actually letting herself believe I care about her alot. She'll prolly deny it till the end though. We've been getting along really well.

I dunno what to talk about really, I'm sitting here waiting for a movie to start.....

I'll update a longer one after this play crap is over, we open on Tuesday and we're having a really nice cast party on Friday.

Peace Peoples
Word Dawg

-FIN-

I now understand the reasons, everything is cool....

Thanks Christine
;)

-FIN-

Heyas
Well it's been an interesting couple days to say the least. Went to rehearsal today to try and get back into the swing of things, I did pretty well, only dropped a couple lines, I was suprised. Tomorrow I go back to the doc to hopefully get all this crap taken off of me.
The dog has been a weird addition to my home, I miss having a dog, but I dont miss all the baggage that comes with it. *shrugs* o well
Christine and I are getting along great, altough today she was convinced I broke up with her, I know she's joking though. Sometimes though it kindda gets to me, and I know I should'nt let it, because I care about her so much, and when she sits there and tells herself I dont it bothers me a bit. I dunno maybe I'm just being stupid.

Whelp thats bout it folks

-FIN-

WEll gonna try to update. Went to the Ramada last night with Christine, had alot of fun, sang some Van Morrison and chilled by the beach. Got a new addition to my house today, a puppy we are dog sitting until christmas for Carson. Christine is eating tuna right now and said if I really loved her I would update. So I guess the more I talk about the more I love her, so we'll see how long I can go until my arm starts to hurt. Last couple days have been kindda blah, the pain is getting worse now that the swelling is going down and that im being a little more active. Had some bleeding earlier today, just enough to scare my mom a bit. I'm going to have 2 scars on my arm so far, I saw the cuts and they are pretty gross looking.

As for Christine, I can't deny that I Really really love her. One of the few people that I know actually cares about me. She was at first kindda scared of my mom and I don't blame her, I've been living with her for 17 years and she still scares the shit outta me. She's going to come over tomorrow to play with the puppy, she came over today too.

Today kindda sucked I had alot of pain in the morning, so I kindda slept it off, I guess that's a good stratagey.

Whelp I guess I'm almost done here, Im still thinking about going up to ohio during x-mas vacation, hopefully Christine will want to go with me, I think she would enjoy it, I miss the snow and the trees and the people alot.

-FIN-

Well back home now. My arm kindda hurts and im typing with one hand. Christine went to battle of the bands and home comming tonight. Im glad she went she had fun Im sure. She looked so pretty when she came to visit me. She also came to see me in the hospital. I love her so much, not many people would drive 3 hours to see me in a bed falling asleep.

The surgeryy went well as far as i can tell, no school for me until friday though, which kindda sucks cuz now I have to make all that shit up. O well its the cost of being beautiful I guess.

Man this typing with 1 hand thing kindda blows lol, Im getting better at it though. Maybe I can do other things with my left hand now.... *Shrugs*

-FIN-

Well guys, I guess this is it. I leave at 4:45am to drive 2 hours to Norfolk for my operation. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared for several reasons. First of all, yea its going to be a pretty complicated operation, peoples veins aren't sumthin to lightly mess with. Secondly I don't want anything to go wrong, and it very well may, we'll just have to see. Thirdly, I want to be able to be there for Christine, so basically I don't want to die lol. Finally the play is soon, and I don't want to let a lot of people down because I wont be physically capible of doing it.

This may be my last post for a while, after my surgery, my arm could be in a sling for a couple weeks. So I'll try to put as much in this as possible. I would just like to express my gratitude to all my friends for supporting me the last couple months in everything I have done, especially with the play, Christine and, the surgery. Without my friends, I dont' know what I would do, life would suck if I didn't have these people to fall back on. My friends are my safety net, and I'm not afraid to admit that.

I am so proud of Christine. She has gotten a spot on the homecomming court, it's awesome. I doubt I will be able to be there for her when she rides through the parade, it's on Friday. I feel really bad, but I know she understands, she's cool like that. Christine may be comming up on Thursday to see me in my lowest hour, in a bed, sick, on drugs and half asleep. Now people let me tell you, that is real commitment lol. Not everybody would drive 3 hours to see somebody look like complete shit.

I think this would be a good time to talk about John. John I know you're going to read this. You have been with me since day one, through the good shit, bad shit, the move, death, separation, depression, you've been there for it all. I just want to let you know how much I appreciate it, and I don't think any cluster of words can express my feelings for you.

Well guys, I think that's all I have to say for now. May you all live in peace and happiness, live long and prosper.

-FIN-

It's 3 days until my surgery and I'm getting kindda scared. Of course everything will be ok and stuff but there is always that thought in the back of your mind. The play has been postponed for another week, thank god, I think the surgery and the play and everything would've gotten me all stressed n stuff.

Tonight was the last night in a while I'll be able to hang with Christine, because of my surgery and the play. It kindda sucks. I'll still see her in school and stuff, but it's not the same. I'm really happy that she is happy, and hopefully things will keep getting better. I think we'll be together for a while, we get along way too well to be fighting about stupid stuff. I hope she'll be able to come to Norfolk with me for my operation, that would really be awesome.

Next couple weeks are going to be interesting to say the least. Hectic is more of the word. I just hope everything goes well, and nothing serious comes up. But until then, live long and prosper my lovely fans, and sleep well because tomorrow is another day.

By the way, I love you Christine :)

-FIN-