The Waitress (A Rant)

First, let me begin by letting everybody know that I DO NOT discriminate between religions... I hate them all (except the eastern religions, there seems to be some kind of truth and honesty  to it)

I have had my fill of religious texts, religious television, religious websites and religious propaganda.  I don't dislike you... I just think some of you are fucking crazy that's all.

Like my waitress yesterday evening.  I'll just call her... Mary.  Mary started off being a great waitress then quickly fell into the chasm of terrible ways to be professional and frankly socially aware.

Story:

Mary comes to the table and complements my dates dress and her breast size.  Cool.  That's completely cool.  Look at my date's boobs I don't mind, seriously I encourage it.  They're quite the attention getters.  Anyways, Mary then tells us that she prayed to God for big boobs.  Ok now let's hold on here for just one second...  God isn't a genie... he doesn't grant you 3 wishes.  At least that's what I've learned from studying the New and Old Testament.  If God was a genie and granted wishes... I would pray on a daily basis.

So Mary still has me at this point though, I forgive her for mentioning God...maybe Mary has had an interesting day.  She concludes the comment with "instead of giving me bigger boobs God just made me pregnant, he works in crazy ways doesn't he?".  Alright Mary, you're still on my good side at this point.  Seriously, I forgive you.  Please, just get my water with a lemon before you call forth heavenly angels.

Religion, in my opinion, serves a very important function in society.  It doesn't serve shit at my dinner table in a sports bar...sorry.

Mary comes back, takes our order than tells us that, "I was once very troubled, into drugs and alcohol and God saved me.  I said the sinner's prayer and was saved.  You should say the sinner's prayer with me or you'll goto Hell for eternity and trust me, eternity is a long time".  Mary, thank you for you're concern, really I appreciate it but, I know eternity is a long time and no I do not want to pray with you.  In fact, I think hell would be alot better than the uncomfortable position you have put me and my date in on this wonderful evening.  Why isn't this type of situation considered sin?  I know one of the 10 commandments is Thou Shallest not Pray to Any other Gods.  Why can't a commandment be Thou Shallest not Push me onto others who do not pray for me?

Why is coveting your neighbors goods a sin and covering my mashed potatoes with God gravy not?  Seriously Mary I'm sure you meant well but if you want to keep receiving that 20% tip I left you so you wouldn't curse me then I suggest you quit with the God stuff.

I wonder if Jesus was a good tipper?

Thanks