This week thus far has sucked pretty bad. Just spend an hour talking to Christine about Haley. I am so angry at myself right now and her too, Christine that is. I never really thought about Haley like this until Christine brought it up.

Haley fucked me over alot, so many times. I decided to not even think about her after the party at Carolines house. I wanted nothing to do with her. But Christine brought up that I may still love her, and she started a conversation that I wish never happened.

I know I'm really mad right now, I still have feelings for Haley that's true, but I would never even concider dating her, hooking up, or if I never talked to her again from this point on, I wouldn't. Even today, she drove away from me, why waste my energy on that? There isn't any point. Why waste energy on somebody that doesn't even care? It's a waste of time, why bother with it.

2 huge differences between Christine and Haley. I could never talk to Haley like I do Christine, Haley and I got close, but I would never tell her about half the stuff I tell Christine. Even though I had feelings for her, I was never really comfortable to the point to where I could say anything and not care, around Haley. The other huge difference is I know if Christine and I were going out, she would never cheat on me, I heard more stories from Haley then I'm willing to share.

So do I still have feelings for Haley? Sure, I prolly do, does any of that matter now? No because my feelings for Christine are much stronger. I'm being completely honest with myself right now. If the oppurtunity came up, if both asked me out, I would go out with Christine. I've seen how Haley opperates, I couldn't handle that.

Christine is Christine. Her and I can talk, and do talk about everything. I'm sorry if you feel I was lying to you, but in reality I didn't think I was. I was unsure myself. I never thought about it until now. I can't deny that I still have feelings for her. If I saw her broke down on the road, I would help. If somebody wanted to beat her up, I would talk to the person, but if she ever wanted to be my girlfriend, I would have to say no. She is still a friend of mine, I would do anything for her that I would a friend.

Truth of the matter is, you are Christine, you're not saving a place for anybody, you're not a trophy, you are not something fake. You are completely real to me, you always have been. We chose eachother, maybe I did kiss you first, but I haven't complained since. I have memories with you I wish I could remember forever. I have told you things, nobody else knows, or things only a few people know. I am more honest with you, than myself sometimes I guess.

-FIN-