I wish I knew what was going on, I'm a complete mess right now. I don't think I've felt this bad before, definately a new low for me, well not quite as low as gma dying, but its getting there.
The last week, all I have been doing was thinking. Thinking about where Christine and I may be headed. I thought a long time about us, and how I was afraid to totally commit to her. She told me to and told me to let it happen naturally. So I did.
I wish she would just trust me, everything that has come from my mouth has been the truth, or I believed it to be the truth to her. I have feelings for Haley, its true, but why worry about that? They don't matter now, nothing is/was/will ever happen. I don't want anything to.
I want Christine to help me get completely out of Haley's pool, dry off and into hers. I'm not sure if she wants to or not. I want to love Christine, and I do love her. I know if anything happened between us that was bad, I would be heartbroken for a while, I don't want my last year in highschool to go like that. I don't want my senior year, to be remembered as the year my heart was broken, put back together and broken again. Christine has such a huge effect on me. It scares me sometimes. She was the only person to really make me think about how I felt about Haley.
So please Christine, can you please help me out, I'm sorry if u feel like I lied to you. I DO love you. You have been there from the start, Haley never was. I started loosing my feelings for Haley, slowly but surely her pool was drying up thanks to Christine.
-FIN-
3 comments:
Christine, you are my best friend. Please don't let that change, I'm glad you helped me do this, but I wish it wasn't now. Not because I wasn't ready, but just because this week sucked. I want us to be together again, I would do anything to see that happen, you know that. At the same time though, I need to know that you trust me. I have only lied to you once, and when I did, I told you I lied 10 seconds later. If I would have known or really spent a while to think about it, I would have told you. I blocked it in my memory because I didn't want to think about it, I was afraid it might ruin what we have. I know what my feelings are for you. I am totally sure of them, even through I may not be sure about my feelings for Haley. I know how I feel for you, I am possitive of my feelings towards you. I was never more sure then I was yesterday and today. This Haley thing shakes me up a bit, but I know how I feel for you, and nothing is going to change that. I don't know what else to say.
ok
I just thought about this. The entire time I knew Haley I never really knew who she was. She never knew anything about me. She prolly couldn't tell you what color my eyes are, or who my favorite bands are, or what some of my favorite movies are. When I look back, I can't remember anything personal like that about Haley. We never really said much when we hung out either, always just watched a movie and thats it. Christine can tell you anything about me, anything. I can tell you so much about Christine too. I know her favorite bands, favorite foods, I know what colors she likes, patterns, I know what kinda of clothes she would wear. I know what jobs she's always dreamed about. If I thought about it hard enough, I could tell you how many eye lashes she has. She can tell you about my one eyebrow... I can tell you about her dream house, her dream guy, dream car, dream property. I know whether or not she likes yougurt or ice cream, stripes or checks, brown eyes or blue, long hair or short. In fact, I know who her favorite wizard of oz character is, and I have every note, every piece of paper, every picture, she has made for me. I know her recipe for tuna down to the T. I just pay way more attention to her, and listen way more often then I ever did Haley. I know about special things that she keeps stored away, and the story behind each. I know what kind of wedding she would want and a honey moon.....
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